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Perkalept and the Onion of Glory – Part 1

Dear readers,

I have found I’ve been having rather a lot of fun writing something a little bit different lately and so I thought for a change I would start to post some of it up. If you all enjoy I may continue šŸ™‚ But for now here is the first little sneak peak. Let me know what you think!

Perkalept and the Onion of Glory

Part 1

The purple pineapple sat on the floor of the plateau. Its Rastafarian hair flowing effortlessly in the wind.
“Betachu.” It said with amazing clarity and poise.
“My name is Betachu and I am the God of the Underfruit.” The nibbly nobbly scales of its shiny skin stood out amongst the backdrop of the Worglemonger mountains. The rainbow coloured peaks of frozen grass and snow dazzled Perkalept briefly and she shaded her many eyes from the glare as she stared nonchalantly in his direction.
“I don’t really care.” She sighed with the effort of speaking.
“Can you just tell me how to get off this ridiculous excuse for a plateau.” She repeated, pointing at the ridiculous excuse in question.
“Please.” She added as an afterthought. It never hurt to be polite.
The pineapple smiled.
“Touch. My. Nose,” He boomed in an overly dramatic voice, “And all will be revealed.”
I really don’t have time for this, thought Perkalept and promptly kicked the pineapple off the plateau.
It was in fact pure luck that ensured that as Perkalept’s foot touched the pineapple, it brushed the tip of its nose*. In a flash, she stood at the bottom of the mountain on a tiny path of golden sand. It was not, however, so lucky that in the few seconds it took to transport Perkalept down to the bottom of the mountain, the pineapple had also made its descent and landed directly on Perkalept’s head with an enormous thwump.
The last thing she heard before she was knocked completely unconscious was the pineapple sighing as it said, “Well that wasn’t very nice.”

*It is a little known fact that a pineapple’s nose is located on the underside of its body, meaning that to a pineapple everything usually smells like dirt.




  1. Pingback: Perkalept and the Onion of Glory cont… | Two Scones and a Milkshake - January 5, 2014

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