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Perkalept and the Onion of Glory cont…

Here’s the second little snippet from Perkalept and the Onion of Glory. You might want to make sure you’ve read the first part before continuing, as it carries straight on, but it’s up to you! 🙂 Now, let her adventure continue…

Part 1 cont.

Perkalept opened one eye cautiously. It had taken her at least ten minutes to pluck up the nerve to do this as she kept hearing the most disgusting slurping and scratching noises coming from very nearby. She also had a thumping headache. Having found herself in similar situations before, she knew it was best to err on the side of caution.

The small wooden shack which surrounded her was inhabited by what looked like an old crone and a large crab. She wondered if she’d hit her head. Possible concussion. Maybe hallucinating. It would most definitely explain why there was a crab staring at her. A talking crab at that.

“What you gawking at, you lollylobber!?!” sqwuaked the crab. Perkalept jumped and opened her eyes fully. No, this wasn’t her imagination. She was most definitely in bed, with a pineapple, in an old crone’s mud hut, and a crab with a parrot complex was beingrude to her. Brilliant.

“You kicked me.” Came a small voice from the pineapple next to her. He was sulking.

“My apologies.” She replied in a flat, monotone manner. “I’ve had a bad day,” she said, ” Repeatedly.” she mumbled.

The pineapple looked up at her curiously but didn’t say a word.

“Ooo Polly, this one is different!” Sqwuaked the crab again.

“Is she now, my beauty.” asked the crone.

At this point in the conversation, if you could call it that, Perkalept took a closer look at the lady in question. She was a short and dumpy woman, with matted black hair all littered with twigs, teeny tiny wrinkles all around her eyes and her smile that left a lot to be desired (especially by a dentist). She was not however, old. This was a very young crone indeed.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but if you don’t mind my asking, what am I doing here?” Perkalept asked, trying to keep the sarcasm and disbelief out of her voice.

“Ooo, missy here is demanding. Only just woken up and already it’s me, me, me.” continued the crab.

“Be quiet Corruscanthia. Back into your cage now. Our guests don’t need you nibbling at their feet.” And with that the crone shooed the large crab into a crab pot with her broom and shut the cage door.

She turned silently and effortlessly, in a whirl of skirts, to face Perkalept.

“Begging your pardon miss, but we found you and your Pineapple out on the mountain road. You was out cold and so we decided it was for the best to bring you back here until you had regained consciousness, as it were.” She said politely with a sort of half maniacle, half menacing grin.

“Well…” began Perkalept, until she realised she had no idea what to say to this.

“Thank you?” She tried again.

“You is most welcome miss. I am just about to make something to eat if you would like to join me? You and your friend? Although I must admit, I haven’t the faintest clue what a Pineapple would eat now.” The crone replied, laughing.

“Er…well he’s not my friend,” Perkalept said glancing at the Pineapple. He was still sulking and now peered up at her looking most put out. “He’s er, a God or something and we had a small disagreement on the mountain plateau but it’s fine now. As for food…er…do you eat?” She asked, looking down at Betatchu.

“I like a good earthworm now and again.” He muttered under his breath.

Perkalept looked from Betachu to the crone and shrugged. “I think he’ll be ok. In fact I think I’d really just best be getting on.”

“Well alright then. Don’t let me be keeping you. That’s a nasty bump on your head though girly. I would stay sitting for a while if I were you.” said the crone, before turning back to her cauldron on the other side of the room.

Perkalept felt the top of her head carefully and winced. The crone was right, she had a huge lump there. Stupid Pineapple, she thought. She stood up carefully and walked to the window. It was getting dark outside. She’d never make it anywhere before the end of the day. And who knew where she would be tomorrow. Then again staying in this odd little shack with a strange and rather ugly girl and her pet crab wasn’t much of an appealing plan either. Her head began to throb and she sat back down.

“If you don’t mind, I’ll just stay here for a while longer and rest. Thank you for your hospitality.” She said, trying to be as nice as possible. It wasn’t really in her disposition to be nice to people and she was completely out of practice, so this took a bit of effort.

She lay back down and within moments she was fast asleep, the odd crone and crab forgotten. The pineapple waited for a few minutes and then shuffled down the bed and manouevered itself into her arms for warmth.

At 12.01am precisely, should you have been awake in this bizarre young crone’s shack, there was a distant whirr, a little whizz and a loud pop, and Perkalept and the pineapple were gone.



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